Sixth Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Six weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. I will admit I dropped the ball this week. Being busy at work for the first time in a while made me less inclined to use my pedal machine and then I just wanted to relax when I got home so there went riding the bike. I will do better on this this week.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I did really good on this this week and don’t feel as tired as I usually do towards the end. I was a bit sore from fencing so I took the last day off to rest.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Still going strong! I might be a little bit late next week on account of our vacation but rest assured when I am back I will make up for it! Besides, although the saying says everything must stay there I do feel that Vegas will make for an excellent muse for my next posts.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. I heard back negatively from one of the jobs I applied for and that was disappointing but at least I heard back. Time will tell if I hear back on anything from the other job; regardless I am glad I took this first foray back into the job market. And in a couple of weeks I should learn more about Congress from my dad’s colleague. I plan on reaching out to some of my own Hill colleagues this week to see if I can meet with them and learn about their experiences.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. I felt less guilty about saying no to a lunch/dinner this weekend so I could focus on what plans I already had for myself and not stress too much since I still feel slightly under the weather. I also felt less guilty about firmly asking that a meeting that I have coming up not be moved since I don’t want to miss too much work each week.
6. Use social media more effectively. I was reminded on the need to have good social media branding on event materials this week as my colleagues who were putting on the program had their handles in the program flyer. I am really looking forward to putting ours more on display during our next event by using the screens in the room better.
7. Drink more water. I was consistent at meeting my goal about 2/3 each day While it is not the 6 cups at least it was consistent and I felt hydrated which is most important. Plus, I wasn’t going to the bathroom every hour which was much less annoying.
8. Call a/on different friend once a week. I caught up with a great friend from high school over lunch on Saturday which was wonderful; she even had suggestions about what we should do in Vegas! While some might see texting over phone calls as a cheap way out, since I often feel discouraged if people don’t answer my calls I know that the text, even if they can’t answer right away, shows that I am thinking about them and am staying in touch in a way that is more flexible.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. In another post I just wrote on here about being more open I realized that even if I don’t show it outwardly I am more close minded and judgmental than I would care to admit so I need to be better at being more open even when peoples’ delivery of their opinions rubs me the wrong way.Their delivery is their problem. My goal should be to listen to the substance and seek to connect rather than chafe at their attitude which can be influenced by any number of factors.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I was able to plow through one of my books thanks to having some quiet time on Friday and Saturday. I can’t always count on this but it is great to be able to take advantage of it this time. Plus, the lesson I am working on in my app is words I already know so it is nice to breeze through the review without many mistakes!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I have started thinking about my packing list for our vacation and that will definitely include sexy toys and lube. Since these are things that make me comfortable I feel like they will help get me in the mood even in a hotel room.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. I was able to sneak a peek at our budget sheet this week and we have saved around $1,200! Plenty of money to treat ourselves to some fun experiences during our vacation and hopefully still have a little bit saved by the time we come back.

If Love Is an Open Door, I Need a Doorstop

One of the tasks assigned in my accountability group a week or so ago was to choose a value and see how you currently interpret it and how you can be better at achieving it. I am not one that actively pursues values in so explicit a manner so after googling “values” I alighted upon “openness” as one that sounded good.

I have long considered myself an open person. I generally see the best in people and their motivations and am more than willing to learn about things that I am not as well versed on or familiar with. Since last year I have been trying to be even more so with the books I read and the conversations I have with others about topics that confront my ignorance and my privilege like race, gender identity, and (though to a lesser degree) politics. I see this process as a life long pursuit and, quite frankly, that is how it should be since I will never be omnipotent nor should I give off the attitude that I am.

Since partaking in this exercise I have definitely caught myself at times not being open to opinions that are contradictory to my own. There are issues that range from trivial like sports to more difficult like race that I see instances where I need to be more open to other opinions. A good deal of this stems from long held feelings of people not really listening to me so I feel that if I accept something that goes, even in some small way, against my current opinion that only serves to prove that my opinion is still not valid so I can be dismissive. But rather than making me feel better this only reinforces the stereotype that I am a know-it-all and that I should work to fix this behavior in myself so I can contribute to a better dialogue. So what if people are bad in their delivery? That can still annoy me but it shouldn’t diminish what they have to say. Lord only knows that I need all the help I can get when I am trying to make myself understood.

So though it is difficult and can be uncomfortable I choose openness. After all, openness is the only way that the problems can be examined from all sides out in the open so we can see what can truly be done about it.

Fifth Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Five weeks down! And now that January is over I have made it through my first month!  Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. I had to do some catch up this week but got back on track. And now I have even more of a desire to keep up with this since it will help me with my fencing training.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I had to do some catch up this week but got back on track. And now I have even more of a desire to keep up with this since it will help me with my fencing training.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Though I don’t use it to write actual posts, it is nice having WordPress’ app on my phone so I can write down title ideas for posts throughout the week. Then I already have a jumping off point for when I actually sit down to write.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. My dad is putting me in touch with one of his colleagues who has a lot of experience with Congress so it will be very interesting to hopefully sit down with him and see how I can become more involved. If anything I can make sure that I am a better and more informed voter by the time the midterm elections roll around!
5. Say Yes and No quicker. I am go glad that I finally said yes to myself and overcame my hesitancy to take advantage of the fencing class that Weifang bought me for Christmas. Though I was the oldest at my first class and have a lot to learn I am so excited to take part in a sport that I have long admired.
6. Use social media more effectively. I have really enjoyed using SnapChat more recently to keep better in touch with friends who use this social media more often than other means of keeping in touch. I will never use it enough to make long stories but being able to send Moe temporary funny pictures to folks has been great.
7. Drink more water. I fell off the wagon a bit with this this week since I did not adequately plan for having time to drink water when I was busy or distracted during the week. I hope to be better at this in the coming week since it is this behavior that has led me to not drink enough water in the first place.
8. Call a/on different friend once a week. I checked in on a couple of friends over the phone this week to see how they were doing after tough weeks. It felt good to be able to catch up with them and make sure they were doing all right. I am planning on catching up with another dear friend over lunch during National Harbor’s restaurant week on Saturday which is sure to be a good time.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. Some of the courses that I was listening to on Lynda.com involved being a better listener and how to deal with difficult situations. It is hard learning things about yourself that you realize you could have done better or recognizing behavior that you don’t like in others in yourself. But at least by recognizing it now I can work to make my behavior reflect how I truly am and what I aspire to be. And it will help me have more empathy when dealing with others which is extremely important.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I didn’t study as much of this as I would have liked this week. But I am able to recognize more words when my husband speaks to me and able to use more words in conversation so I am on the right path!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. Now that we are in the month of Valentine’s Day I need to figure out my plan. It sounds so unsexy but since we are both busy people and I should be the one to take the initiative since this is all largely on me I will do my best to find a day where we can just enjoy each other.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. Even with paying for our vacation we saved around $200! Every little bit is a great achievement and I cannot wait to keep working towards our goal of saving around $800-1,000 when we do not have any big trips planned.

This Week in Gratitude: Lynda.com, Rug Doctor, and Listening to the Rain

1. I recently discovered that my county’s library system offers a free subscription to Lynda.com, a site that has numerous video courses on all manner of business and growth related subjects (it is affiliated with LinkedIn). So when I have down time at work I have been filling it with Lynda courses so I can continue to improve my skill set and make good use of the time. So far I have learned everything from how to use Instagram for business to public speaking to how to be more assertive. I am looking forward to learning more about utilizing the new Microsoft Office effectively, especially Excel.
2. I asked for our own Rug Doctor for Christmas and boy has it delivered. Portable with a built in handheld vacuum it is perfect for cleaning our high traffic stairs and they look SO much better now. Though it has made me want to shave the cat and our bodies since there was so much hair on the stairs it was insane. I am looking forward to being able to take care of spills quicker and keep our home clean without having to rent a unit.
3. As I was still down to write this blog post while cuddling in bed with my husband he mentioned that it was so nice to be sitting together in a warm room listening to the rain outside. And I have to say that he is right. Nothing makes me feel more cozy than sitting with him listening to the calming sound of rain outside.

Fourth Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Four weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. Used my pedal machine more than my actual bike this week but it was a good way to make productive use of my time sitting at my desk and be able to stay on top of exercising when I knew that I would have a long night on Wednesday.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I had to do some make up in this category on Friday as after my long night at work on Wednesday and recovery on Thursday I skipped out on doing the exercises once each day. But I caught up and can still feel progress being made!
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. It is really nice to be back into a groove with this. Now I catch myself thinking about things that I have read or seen or experienced as good topics for posts and use the week to edit my thoughts before I put them to paper.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. Haven’t heard anything back just yet on the applications I turned in but I will keep the faith! In the meantime I will keep looking around to see what else is out there. After doing some research on the midterm races this year for Congress and local government I am more convinced that volunteering in some form on a campaign would be a great learning experience as well.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. I have a packed weekend this weekend with the dinner I mentioned last week, a baby shower, and a movie night. It feels good to have all of these opportunities to talk to folks and that Weifang will also have time to play pool since I will be out most of the day on Sunday. Plus, got my ticket for the comic convention in March so that is all set as well!
6. Use social media more effectively. I’ve been going through all of the saved links on my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest to print out or save things that I will actually do or use rather than just always leaving things up. This way I have new recipes to try, new craft projects to make, and lots of fun ideas for when I have children.
7. Drink more water. I am on my fourth plant! But I fell behind on Wednesday on account of staying late at work and sitting in a place with no bathroom (this goal has been a killer on my bladder!). But on the whole I have gotten better at responding right away when my app reminds me that it is time to drink.
8. Call a/on different friend once a week. I was able to help my friend Paige vent this week when she called me over the phone so I was happy to serve as her sounding board. It was National Compliment Day this week so I let all of my friends know how much they mean to me and got lots of wonderful compliments in return. I am doing better with sending birthday cards this year so far and am happy to provide that small token on my affection. And as I mentioned above I will be seeing a lot of friends this weekend for various activities.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. As I mentioned in my gratitude post today I was happy that I ended a. subscription that ultimately was causing me more harm than good (guilt over not utilizing it properly, the money I felt I was wasting because of that, etc.). But I am very disappointed by how the person running it tried to make me feel guilty and small when the whole point of the field he is in is to help people feel good about themselves and live their best life. Thanks but no thanks dude I am glad I found this out now before I wasted more of my time. I also want to both commend myself for staying patient and vent about why I had to stay late at work this week. We were having our carpet professionally cleaned and I was more than happy to stay late to lend a hand since out elevators lock at a certain time and to make sure they had everything they needed. So that wasn’t the problem. But then, as is always the case, issues arose. The gentleman who showed up was late, he went up the staircase that he wasn’t supposed to which added time to his set up, pretended like we hadn’t told him which staircase to go up, complained hat he had only learned about the job that morning and therefore wasn’t prepared, and surprise, surprise, after two hours of hemming and hawing when he actually got down to business it only took about an hour and a half. Maybe he had been not properly informed by his boss. I don’t care. If it was me I would do my best and help the customer because it would not be his or her fault. Just be the bigger person. Needless to say that for once in my life when they sent the customer survey I actually filled it out and outlined my concerns. Hopefully if there is a next job they will do better. In the end, at least the carpets looked good so something good came out of it.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. Weifang told me that my Chinese has gotten a lot better since I started studying since by doing it on multiple platforms vocab words are sticking in my head better.
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. Every day I look at my husband I know he is the one. The more we discuss our future and children the more I am so excited that he will always be mine. This is the mindset that I have been truly looking for to overwhelm the doubts outside forces send to me.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. We are going on vacation in a few weeks! Even with this expense by eating out less and keeping to our budget but getting rid of subscriptions and not buying too much we are on track to save over $1,000 this month. We are doing awesome!

Life Isn’t Perfect, But It’s Mine

I found this cute picture on Pintrest a long time ago. While my husband and I were dating I gave it to him, detailing how even then I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. On that score, this is absolutely true. Barring a disaster I fully intend to always be with him and together I know we will have a great life.

But the problem with lists like this, both in print and in one’s head, is that things do not go according to plan. I am always quick to jump in and say that I am not a perfectionist since it has such a negative connotation but I do like to plan and I do get bent out of shape when things don’t go my way (though thankfully much less than I used to).

These check marks might be cute but they can set you up for failure emotionally. For example, though it doesn’t get that granular we have not yet had a honeymoon. This has been due to a variety of factors: money, green cards, and unexpected family visits. All of which are valid and, at times necessary, delays. But it still bums me out that I have not checked this off the list (especially since we deserve a vacation!).

Similarly, we are entering that stage in our lives when we are thinking about having children and, at times, are being pressured to. As anyone who is a parent will tell you there is no way you can fully prepare which terrifies me as a planner. So I am not sure how those check marks will turn out. I will likely not be ready. There will likely be outside unsolicited advice as to what I should be doing once I have children. But all I know is that in one respect this picture is right. It will be my husband and I supporting each other and raising our children with all the love we can muster.

So maybe we won’t hate as an idyllic picture of brining our baby home or sending them off to school (if that is even the path they choose so in that sense the picture is trying to bring me down a path that I don’t know will be the right fit for them). Maybe instead of a honeymoon we will wait until the last step on this picture and have it be a retirementmoon. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me to not stick to “THE PLAN” but honestly each day it feels a little easier not to. My life might not be the traditional perfect but it is mine. And as long as I enjoy it and who I share it with (I can happily say so far so good on both of these!) that is my definition of pretty darn awesome.

This Week in Gratitude: ALL the things! And a Recommendation

Happy 2018 all!! Apologies for being delayed this week but honestly I think that only served to help me find out even more things to be grateful about in this new year. With that, here we go!

1. New year new start! I honestly don’t care if some people think the new year is arbitrary, I love the concept of a fresh start and planning, as much as one can because, you know, life, about what you want to accomplish in the new year. My husband and I worked on our joint couple goals as well as our personal goals and I have to say, a week into working on them, I’m excited.
2. One of my wonderful friends asked me to be one of her bridesmaids this week which was super exciting! It came on a day that I was feeling a bit meh as well so it was absolutely a perfect way to focus on awesome things in the future. I can’t wait to spoil my friend rotten at her showers and celebrate in September!
3. The thing that was bothering me that I referred to above was my in laws subtlety (re. not) asking for us to get pregnant this year. Now we have had numerous conversations about this with them and they seem to understand that we will have children when we want to but it doesn’t seem to stick. Usually this annoys me but I can get over it but the combination of it not even being a week into 2018 and my period (which always makes me paranoid and emotional) just put me into a funk. I reached out to some of my friends to talk through it as well as my self improvement Facebook group and it was supremely helpful. My Facebook group in particular made me feel so humbled by all the support that I received from the women who had been in similar situations. It was so important to feel like I wasn’t alone and these kind and open strangers were in my corner.

I haven’t done this in a while but recently at work I started binging the By the Book podcast. Two women, one more open one skeptical, read a self help book and try to follow the advice therein for two weeks to see if the book is worth recommending. It’s like having a book club with friends (their husbands participate as well and are hilarious) and also learning if self help books would work for you.

 

This Week in Gratitude: Christmas, Gift Cards, and Hopes for the Future

1. I celebrate Christmas but I think that what I felt yesterday could absolutely be applied to any celebration, be they within other religions or just simply fun times. I have always had for the most part fun Christmases but this year in particular I just felt so at peace. I got to see all the family on my mom’s side, including my cousin through FaceTime. We shared laughs, a good meal (which I got to help cook for), and companionable silence. At home with my parents and my husband my mom was less stressed out and let me help her with things more which just made it feel so special since I want her to have a good time too. Although my parents think we spent too much on them, we were able to treat them how they always treat us and give them great presents. But most of all, there was just so much love in the house and it made me really see the true beauty of the holiday season.
2. When Weifang and I switched over to Verizon for cable we got a gift card that we could use on any Verizon products. I went to my local Verizon store today and was not only able to help my parents finish paying off their phones but also take care of our whole joint bill for this month. As an added bonus I got to confirm that my phone is all paid off so that means cheaper bills for me in the future as well. It was wonderful to take this card and pay it forward with my parents who graciously let me be a part of their plan and remove some stuff from their plate as we round out 2017.
3. Over the past week, Weifang and I have been writing down our 2018 goals, getting our budget plan in order, and just looking forward to the future. At work these couple of weeks represent some down time but it has given me the opportunity to really explore what I can and am able to realistically achieve, see how I can help my husband in his journey, and connect with liked minded people and learn from them in the self improvement Facebook group I am in which is connected to the podcast Tiny Leaps, Big Changes. New Years might seem like an arbitrary time to be doing this but I don’t care I am looking forward to all of the triumphs and challenges that 2018 will bring!

This Week in Gratitude: Catching Up with Friends, Shopping with Friends, and Cat Cuddles

1. It may be the holidays but I have had the awesome pleasure of catching up with numerous friends over lunch, holiday parties, and movie nights for the past week. This is not a strange occurrence as I try to make this happen at least a couple of times a month but the amount of love in the past week has been highly concentrated. And what makes it extra special to me is that all of these friends have reached out to me rather than the usual other way around. As someone who is happy to plan get-togethers so they actually happen I am always excited when people reach out to me since it makes me realize that I don’t always have to make the effort which serves to tamp down my anxiety that people to want to hang out with me and aren’t obligated simply when I extend an invitation to myself. So I am grateful for busy friends who make the time to see me and I can’t wait for more of these dates in the new year!
2. On a related note, I helped a friend with her Christmas shopping yesterday and realized how much I missed simply walking around with a friend goofing off in the mall. I of course love shopping with my husband but it’s not the same as being out with a girlfriend who indulges your silly selfies in Sephora and will totally build LEGO minifigs with you.
3. We were gone over the weekend and my cat was extra cuddly this morning. She is very people-oriented anyway but given all of the bad press that cats get for not being as in-your-face as dogs often are I am always grateful for time spent with my furry friend!

This Week in Gratitude: New Colleagues, Holiday Parties, and Snow

1. It’s near the holidays in DC which means that it is S.L.O.W. at work. Which has been great for me to start looking into my next career steps. And that means informational interviews. I have already had two interviews, have one tomorrow, and have reached out to other organizations that I will (hopefully) hear back from soon. Now I am using these interviews to not only learn more about new opportunities but also learn more about a similar field to the one I work in that I want to learn more about: advocacy for global education. I know for a fact that studying abroad and working within public diplomacy has made me the person I am today and want to do what I can to give others such opportunities. So I am supremely grateful for meeting colleagues who work in the field and who I can talk to for literally hours on issues that we are all passionate about. It is something that doesn’t always occur in the workplace so I am not going to take this for granted and learn all I can from these amazing people.
2. Weifang and I got to got to our first ever ugly sweater party this weekend. Not only was it fun to break out the sweaters and bake so that my whole house smelled like Christmas cookies (and I didn’t set off the smoke alarm yay!), but we also got to head up to our home away from home, Delaware. It was wonderful seeing campus again after over a year and looking at all of the new changes that have taken place, not to mention visit our favorite stores on Main Street. And even better was we got to see one of my closest friends and former roommates for the evening and breakfast the next day. I am not a huge party person but this made it wonderful and I am grateful for the experience.
3. Over the weekend we had the first snow of the season. It didn’t really disrupt traffic and lasted for less than 24 hours (it was melting by the next morning) but when combined with our sojourn up to Delaware it was truly magical. Not to mention it made a great background for a family photo. As someone who has had to travel through blizzards I have a more adult relationship with snow but man did I feel like a happy child watching it fall and making everything beautiful on Saturday. And I am glad that it was just enough to be pretty but not bad enough to keep us from visiting friends.