This Week in Gratitude: Underdogs, Public Diplomacy, and CSI Marathons

1. My husband and I watched the Super Bowl between the Philadelphia Eagles and the New England Patriots with my parents. Though both from New England, my mom was rooting for the underdog Eagles and my dad was staunchly for the Patriots. Weifang was rooting for whomever played the better game. I was also for the Eagles in light of being tired of the same teams always making and eventually winning the Super Bowl. Plus, as my dad put it, I wanted to use this game as a metaphor for the current state of politics where the little guy is often overwhelmed by the better equipped (largely because of money spent on resources) establishment; in this case an establishment that has also seen its share of controversy in recent years. So imagine my happiness that the Eagles did their mascot justice and played an almost perfect game to victory. If they could do it, I thought, we can do this year in the midterms and other facets of making sure the establishment doesn’t always win. However, I would ask that during our victories we don’t harm our cities as that is never a good look. The other side should never be able to find a fault with our anger or our celebration since both emotions are valid and need to be taken seriously.
2. For the first time in a while I was able to attend an event that I myself was not hosting. Although I helped my colleagues who did put it on by helping them get a room on the Hill and connecting them with speakers including my director it was nice to just sit back and listen to what was being said (albeit with occasional social media posting as that job never ends). While these speakers were largely preaching to the choir, it was nonetheless wonderful to hear about all of their activities for promoting global citizenship and studying abroad. I can only hope that very soon I will be sitting up with them on the dais and speaking about what I am doing to make a difference rather than just listening.
3. I took a much needed sick day on Friday to just relax and stay at home until my fencing class. While taking a break from studying and eating my lunch I was flipping channels and came across a marathon of CSI episodes. While it was partly because I will be going to Las Vegas with Weifang soon another part of me was excited to just sit back and watch a show for nostalgia’s sake. Sometimes that is truly what the doctor ordered.

This Week in Gratitude: Lynda.com, Rug Doctor, and Listening to the Rain

1. I recently discovered that my county’s library system offers a free subscription to Lynda.com, a site that has numerous video courses on all manner of business and growth related subjects (it is affiliated with LinkedIn). So when I have down time at work I have been filling it with Lynda courses so I can continue to improve my skill set and make good use of the time. So far I have learned everything from how to use Instagram for business to public speaking to how to be more assertive. I am looking forward to learning more about utilizing the new Microsoft Office effectively, especially Excel.
2. I asked for our own Rug Doctor for Christmas and boy has it delivered. Portable with a built in handheld vacuum it is perfect for cleaning our high traffic stairs and they look SO much better now. Though it has made me want to shave the cat and our bodies since there was so much hair on the stairs it was insane. I am looking forward to being able to take care of spills quicker and keep our home clean without having to rent a unit.
3. As I was still down to write this blog post while cuddling in bed with my husband he mentioned that it was so nice to be sitting together in a warm room listening to the rain outside. And I have to say that he is right. Nothing makes me feel more cozy than sitting with him listening to the calming sound of rain outside.

This Week in Gratitude: Vacation Anticipation, Saying Yes, and Saying No

1. Weifang and I have booked tickets and a hotel room for our MUCH overdue vacation in Las Vegas in a few weeks! We haven’t been on a long vacation that didn’t involve seeing friends or family (and those are both great but they aren’t really vacations) since we got married. Plus, the more research we do the more really fun things appear in a city that most people just write off as full of casinos and neon. Needless to say we are very excited!
2. I have a packed weekend this week: Today is dinner with a good friend and her roommates, tomorrow I have a baby shower in the morning and a movie day with two friends in the afternoon. Weifang will be playing pool with one of his friends as well. The baby shower I was obviously going to go to but the other plans came up over the past week and usually I am not sure if I want to go or if Weifang wants to go or if he would mind (he never does but yay anxiety!) so I waffle and I hate it even though my friends are used to making plans last minute anyway. So it felt good to say “Yes!” and the following weekend I can just relax with my husband 🙂
3. I got rid of a subscription to a class that I thought at the time might be worth starting but later realized I don’t have the ideas that would make it worthwhile or really the time to focus on it when I have other goals I would rather pursue (plus I could always find a different class anyway). Also, it would allow me to use the money I was spending on the subscription to use for vacations or other things I want to do with Weifang. So I was glad that I finally said no thanks and got rid of it. The only downer was that the person who was in charge of the class tried to guilt trip me into taking this off of my plate by saying we had an “agreement” (which we don’t as that’s not how class subscriptions work). So I am also glad I got rid of it since if he can’t respect my choices when I decide that something isn’t right for me right now that is not someone I want to work with anyway.

This Week in Gratitude: Editing Help, Righteous Frustration, and Free Books

1. I applied for two new jobs this past week and I couldn’t be more grateful for my dad putting an extra pair of eyes on my resume and cover letters. In case you haven’t noticed, I like to write stream of consciousness, be that a post on here or for cover letters. So while I know that I am good at getting my points across in this manner it is nice to have someone look at it to make sure that it actually makes grammatical sense. Plus, my father just helped my husband reformat his resume so I knew that mine would be in good hands. I hope to achieve in my career what my dad has done in his (i.e. make a difference) and he has always helped me with applications. It seemed only natural that he would help me in this (hopeful) next transition in my journey.
2. This might seem like a weird thing to be grateful for but hear me out. These past couple of weeks saw the president (“allegedly”) use racist language to talk about other countries and their citizens, a government shutdown, and people on my timeline criticizing the women’s march because they either don’t think there are any issues that women are up against or they feel the need to say that it is not enough. And while I agree with the latter, there is a small part of me that is really tired of them saying “oh look at the white women only caring once a year.” But I digress. The main thing is I am grateful that I still feel frustrated. I am glad that this still makes me angry. Because this means that “they” have not made me so completely jaded that I don’t care and remain complacent. I absolutely wish that these things weren’t happening but since they are I know I have to do something about it. I am doing my best to figure out what I can do on the policy side (besides obviously voting in an informed manner this fall). But at the very least I can make sure that my friends are doing all right and keep their spirits up.
3. I just finished a compelling book about Hurricane Katrina thanks to having access to my digital library through my Kindle. I am currently reading David Litt’s memoir of his time as President Obama’s speech writer and am looking forward to revisiting Maya Angelou’s work as well which I have not read since high school. I love learning and books are a great way to keep doing that in my spare time. So I am thankful that even though I love a good hard copy, having access to electronic versions through my library means that a new book is never too far away.

This Week in Gratitude: Heat, Accountability, and Routine

1. It has been unseasonably cold over the past couple of weeks here in Maryland and I have to profoundly thank the powers that be that we have had working heat the entire time. I cannot imagine how awful it must be for folks whose heat has gone out, are unable to pay to keep it on, or don’t have a warm place to stay in at all. I am so grateful that my family and friends have stayed warm and safe. Here’s hoping it warms up soon!
2. I have been participating in an accountability group with fellow Tiny Leaps group members on the Slack app and it has been great to both get and offer advice for issues that we are all hoping to work on this year. Once I figured out how to use the app it has been a nice daily resource. We are all doing pretty well so far but I am looking forward to support should start falling off the wagon on my goals further into the year.
3. On a related note , I am really enjoying having a routine (such as it is) for 2018. Although I can’t always do my goals at the same time every day since life happens it is nice to at the very least have a check list of everything that I want to get done during the day so I can always feel a small sense of accomplishment. I have also been very proud of my husband for working on his own routine which works for him and that is all that matters.

This Week in Gratitude: ALL the things! And a Recommendation

Happy 2018 all!! Apologies for being delayed this week but honestly I think that only served to help me find out even more things to be grateful about in this new year. With that, here we go!

1. New year new start! I honestly don’t care if some people think the new year is arbitrary, I love the concept of a fresh start and planning, as much as one can because, you know, life, about what you want to accomplish in the new year. My husband and I worked on our joint couple goals as well as our personal goals and I have to say, a week into working on them, I’m excited.
2. One of my wonderful friends asked me to be one of her bridesmaids this week which was super exciting! It came on a day that I was feeling a bit meh as well so it was absolutely a perfect way to focus on awesome things in the future. I can’t wait to spoil my friend rotten at her showers and celebrate in September!
3. The thing that was bothering me that I referred to above was my in laws subtlety (re. not) asking for us to get pregnant this year. Now we have had numerous conversations about this with them and they seem to understand that we will have children when we want to but it doesn’t seem to stick. Usually this annoys me but I can get over it but the combination of it not even being a week into 2018 and my period (which always makes me paranoid and emotional) just put me into a funk. I reached out to some of my friends to talk through it as well as my self improvement Facebook group and it was supremely helpful. My Facebook group in particular made me feel so humbled by all the support that I received from the women who had been in similar situations. It was so important to feel like I wasn’t alone and these kind and open strangers were in my corner.

I haven’t done this in a while but recently at work I started binging the By the Book podcast. Two women, one more open one skeptical, read a self help book and try to follow the advice therein for two weeks to see if the book is worth recommending. It’s like having a book club with friends (their husbands participate as well and are hilarious) and also learning if self help books would work for you.

 

This Week in Gratitude: Christmas, Gift Cards, and Hopes for the Future

1. I celebrate Christmas but I think that what I felt yesterday could absolutely be applied to any celebration, be they within other religions or just simply fun times. I have always had for the most part fun Christmases but this year in particular I just felt so at peace. I got to see all the family on my mom’s side, including my cousin through FaceTime. We shared laughs, a good meal (which I got to help cook for), and companionable silence. At home with my parents and my husband my mom was less stressed out and let me help her with things more which just made it feel so special since I want her to have a good time too. Although my parents think we spent too much on them, we were able to treat them how they always treat us and give them great presents. But most of all, there was just so much love in the house and it made me really see the true beauty of the holiday season.
2. When Weifang and I switched over to Verizon for cable we got a gift card that we could use on any Verizon products. I went to my local Verizon store today and was not only able to help my parents finish paying off their phones but also take care of our whole joint bill for this month. As an added bonus I got to confirm that my phone is all paid off so that means cheaper bills for me in the future as well. It was wonderful to take this card and pay it forward with my parents who graciously let me be a part of their plan and remove some stuff from their plate as we round out 2017.
3. Over the past week, Weifang and I have been writing down our 2018 goals, getting our budget plan in order, and just looking forward to the future. At work these couple of weeks represent some down time but it has given me the opportunity to really explore what I can and am able to realistically achieve, see how I can help my husband in his journey, and connect with liked minded people and learn from them in the self improvement Facebook group I am in which is connected to the podcast Tiny Leaps, Big Changes. New Years might seem like an arbitrary time to be doing this but I don’t care I am looking forward to all of the triumphs and challenges that 2018 will bring!

Twin Cycle of Worries: Money and Babies

Today just seems like a good day to get things off my chest. Both of these topics will likely feature in other future posts but as they have come up a lot this year I want to use the catharsis of writing to put my thoughts down on paper and start thinking about how best to mitigate them.

Obviously my husband and I are at that age where our friends are having babies, our families are at least asking (and at times outright demanding) about babies, and we are also discussing when we want to have babies. And we would like to have them sooner rather than later, no question. But we have two concerns.

One, which might be affecting me more than my husband, is the fear that I won’t be able to raise my child or children in the way that I want. Because let’s face it no matter how many people you talk to or books you read, or anything like that there is no one right way to raise kids. And, since I believe that having children is a largely selfish endeavor since you are having a child because you want one, you have an obligation to give your children the best possible life they can possibly have. And in turn I think that it is important to also understand that you will learn from your children and they will make you a better person. So of course I have the tried and tested fear that I won’t know what I am doing and will screw it up somehow but hey I’m not unique and there are parent groups for that.

But the other part is making sure that my children get the right blend of both my husband and I’s cultures. I am all for this since I want our kids to be global citizens regardless since having a healthy respect and wonder for the outside world is super important. Plus, I wouldn’t wish late-in-life language learning on anyone. So that isn’t the issue. The issue is that I am pretty sure that certain aspects of Chinese culture will find a champion in my at times extremely overbearing mother-in-law, particularly that grandparents are super hands on and at times actually live with their grown children. Now I am all for on hand grandparents as I did not really have that myself. But there is a difference in asking for help or having people over and having help and thereby opinions on what you are doing for the children forced upon you and I am pretty sure that that is what I will be dealing with. As someone who often shares fake health news articles with us I dread getting into an argument with her about what I should be feeding the baby or how I should teach my kids both languages or a myriad of other details. And this isn’t really a culture thing since this exists everywhere as my friends can attest. That presents a tricky angle to be sure but ultimately it will be a clash of personalities rather than an East vs. West mentality. I truly hope that I am speaking through an anxiety prism on this but I don’t think I am. I will only know after we have children and I just hope that I can bear it and that my husband will rise to the occasion and defend our choices like he claims he will.

A related issue to this is money. Of course a big concern for us in bringing children into this world is that we give them the best life that we can and that will involve money. My husband grew up poor so to him this is extremely important that he can provide for his kids. I grew up the opposite in an upper middle class family so for me there is a different worry that as I did not want for anything I will feel like a failure if I cannot provide my children with the great life I had with vacations each summer and the whole nine. Obviously these things take time to save for but given how the economy is and with the government situation these days things are looking bleak for our generation to live at the style to which most of us were either accustomed, hope to achieve via the “American Dream” or a mixture of both. All we can do for now is do our best to save and stick to a budget even in the face of events we don’t prepare for. All I know is I am teaching my kids about the value of saving and working early since it was wonderful that I was able to take unpaid internships but man does it make me feel inadequate that I don’t know all that much about and therefore am kind of afraid of money or rather the lack of it.

Now this cycles back to my in-laws, who were extremely generous in helping us with the down payment for our house, largely due to the traditional custom in China that the parents help the children get settled. To this day they still can’t believe that I was willing to marry Weifang before he had the big three of a house, car and job, something that is largely unthinkable in China. Now, I have borrowed money from my parents too when my husband was unable to work during his green card application and I fully intend to pay them back once I am able to save more than a few hundred a month. Paying my in-laws back for the house will take longer but of course we can do other things for them in the meantime. Here is where I worry since they are always willing to give us money. I don’t like being beholden to people even in generous circumstances like these. But I can’t help but worry that whomever controls the money controls the decisions and I don’t want to have to go along with arrangements just because my in-laws paid for them. This especially includes when we have children, which my in-laws think will happen sooner if they just throw some money at us. As I said before I will accept help but I don’t want it forced upon me and, frankly, I want to be a parent my children can be proud of by being able to take care of my own family. I don’t want charity and I sure as hell don’t want money with strings attached. I don’t think they have nefarious motives I promise but after being forced to have them as house guests for four months I can’t help but be skeptical.

So what can I do about these? Well aside for having good conversations about these issues with my husband and working on staying on a budget (both things that we have been doing) not much. These are situations where you just have to do the best you and can then roll with the tide once things happen. All I know is I will always do my best to be worthy of my husband since I know I lucked out and as long as we communicate we should be fine. Besides, my friends, after this summer, have all told us that whenever we want to escape should the House Guests for Eternity happen again their beds/couches are open I know I have places to escape to. So that is a big relief. So, as I write this on National Look on the Bright Side Day, I pause to be grateful for my husband, my growing self confidence, my growing willingness to speak my mind and put myself out there, and my caring family who for all their faults are good people who just want the best for us. And that is priceless.

This Week in Gratitude: Catching Up with Friends, Shopping with Friends, and Cat Cuddles

1. It may be the holidays but I have had the awesome pleasure of catching up with numerous friends over lunch, holiday parties, and movie nights for the past week. This is not a strange occurrence as I try to make this happen at least a couple of times a month but the amount of love in the past week has been highly concentrated. And what makes it extra special to me is that all of these friends have reached out to me rather than the usual other way around. As someone who is happy to plan get-togethers so they actually happen I am always excited when people reach out to me since it makes me realize that I don’t always have to make the effort which serves to tamp down my anxiety that people to want to hang out with me and aren’t obligated simply when I extend an invitation to myself. So I am grateful for busy friends who make the time to see me and I can’t wait for more of these dates in the new year!
2. On a related note, I helped a friend with her Christmas shopping yesterday and realized how much I missed simply walking around with a friend goofing off in the mall. I of course love shopping with my husband but it’s not the same as being out with a girlfriend who indulges your silly selfies in Sephora and will totally build LEGO minifigs with you.
3. We were gone over the weekend and my cat was extra cuddly this morning. She is very people-oriented anyway but given all of the bad press that cats get for not being as in-your-face as dogs often are I am always grateful for time spent with my furry friend!

This Week in Gratitude: New Colleagues, Holiday Parties, and Snow

1. It’s near the holidays in DC which means that it is S.L.O.W. at work. Which has been great for me to start looking into my next career steps. And that means informational interviews. I have already had two interviews, have one tomorrow, and have reached out to other organizations that I will (hopefully) hear back from soon. Now I am using these interviews to not only learn more about new opportunities but also learn more about a similar field to the one I work in that I want to learn more about: advocacy for global education. I know for a fact that studying abroad and working within public diplomacy has made me the person I am today and want to do what I can to give others such opportunities. So I am supremely grateful for meeting colleagues who work in the field and who I can talk to for literally hours on issues that we are all passionate about. It is something that doesn’t always occur in the workplace so I am not going to take this for granted and learn all I can from these amazing people.
2. Weifang and I got to got to our first ever ugly sweater party this weekend. Not only was it fun to break out the sweaters and bake so that my whole house smelled like Christmas cookies (and I didn’t set off the smoke alarm yay!), but we also got to head up to our home away from home, Delaware. It was wonderful seeing campus again after over a year and looking at all of the new changes that have taken place, not to mention visit our favorite stores on Main Street. And even better was we got to see one of my closest friends and former roommates for the evening and breakfast the next day. I am not a huge party person but this made it wonderful and I am grateful for the experience.
3. Over the weekend we had the first snow of the season. It didn’t really disrupt traffic and lasted for less than 24 hours (it was melting by the next morning) but when combined with our sojourn up to Delaware it was truly magical. Not to mention it made a great background for a family photo. As someone who has had to travel through blizzards I have a more adult relationship with snow but man did I feel like a happy child watching it fall and making everything beautiful on Saturday. And I am glad that it was just enough to be pretty but not bad enough to keep us from visiting friends.