Disclaimer: I wrote this for the advocacy group FWD.us on the request of my friend Jing who is going through the immigration process herself. This is of course my own experience and as I mention I am well aware of just how good I have it and how lucky/privileged I am to have made it through the first round of this process with my husband relatively unscathed. But as we go through the second round of his permanent residency status (you have to renew after two years) what I felt then and what is still currently happening in our immigration system makes this post remain relevant. I hope that it provides some comfort to those navigating this difficult process and lets them know that the President doesn’t speak for all of us. I, for one, know that you are what makes America great and I wish you speedy application clearances.
My husband Weifang and I met in 2009 at the University of Delaware. After having a class together we exchanged emails, kept in touch over the summer when he went back home to China, and once school started back up in September officially became a couple on the 5th after seeing Pixar’s UP as our first date. Over the past 6 years Weifang has truly been the Carl to my Ellie, my partner and best friend in all things, through challenges and amazing adventures. It was always hard to say goodbye to him when he had to go home and nerve-wracking while I waited to hear if his visa had been approved so he could come back to school for the next you and, more importantly, to me. And while navigating a cross-cultural relationship has its share of challenges (least not of which language barriers though I do speak some Chinese), it has truly made us both grow as people and gives us an additional special bond.
When Weifang asked me to marry him on July 27, 2014 all of my dreams came true. In front of our parents, who were meeting in person for the first time, we knew that we were beginning the start of a new adventure together that culminated in the most perfect wedding we could ever ask for on May 9th 2015 with all my family and our friends in attendance. On February 2nd we will have another wedding in China with Weifang’s extended family and with my parents so both sides of our relationship can be represented and celebrated.
In between there have definitely been challenges while dealing with the immigration process, which we began in earnest after we got married. Weifang had to renew his EAD card which allows him to work in the United States. As we were applying for an adjustment of status for him, we combined this with the overall green card process. All told, Weifang was out of work for 3 months before he got his card, a typical timeframe but nonetheless very trying on us. Twice I had to ask my parents for support as between paying for our costs of living and my student loans (a topic that also requires massive reform but not worth discussing here) my savings dried up. Some might say “Well you could’ve gotten a courthouse marriage so you could’ve started earlier.” And sure, we could have. But I find it insulting that we would have to have what I deem (though I mean no offense to those who actually prefer a smaller wedding) to be an impersonal wedding just to make sure that we could get what we need in a timely manner. If I may be girly for a moment I wanted our wedding to be not just what we dreamed but also a wonderful experience for our family and friends from China, a quintessential US experience if you will. The fact that people like us and my friends (one whose Canadian husband was out of work for SIX months while waiting for his EAD) have to wait so long for something that should be relatively straightforward is insane. I completely understand the need to conduct background checks, no question. But when this is a service that US taxpayers quite literally pay for I feel like we should both expect and demand better results. Weifang and I were beyond lucky because his work was more than willing to wait for him to come back no matter how long it took (his boss had to go through this herself being from New Zealand originally) and more importantly that he had a job in the first place and did not have to try and find a job while he was in EAD limbo like he had had to the first time he applied for an EAD. I want to send along my well wishes and prayers to all of those families out there who are not as fortunate and are waiting in that very same limbo for months on end with no one available to answer their questions. I truly hope that we can get this resolved so those that are going through all of the proper channels to work in the US can be rewarded with a swift process and the freedom thereafter to pursue the jobs that they want and deserve.
Now to the overall green card. I am happy to report that as of last night Weifang received his good-for-two-years permanent residency card and we could both breathe a collective sigh of relief as we are assured that now only a huge disaster can separate us rather than some unfiled paperwork. More importantly, I can rest easy knowing that as we touch back down from our wedding next February my husband will be sitting beside me and not prevented from returning to his adopted home.
Compiling the paperwork was not terribly difficult. We have amazing friends who wrote wonderful affidavits on our behalf and my parents were more than willing to help me prove that I could financially take care of my husband while he was going through this process. As I mentioned above, the biggest pet peeve I had with the process was the amount of time and the inability to get answers. Once again, as a proud citizen of this country, background checks are a necessary measure that should not be rushed through and I completely understand that. As someone for whom patience has long been a problem this was definitely a lesson for me but I nonetheless understood the need for time and caution even in cases like my husband’s, someone who had been granted visas again and again and who already was qualified to work here. Once we got to the actual interview (which by the way is NOT like the movie The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds so don’t worry about knowing the color of someone’s toothbrush) we received out approval that day and got the card in 2 weeks. A wonderful early Christmas present and absolutely worth the effort to have my best friend by my side.
The worst part of this experience is something that should be addressed and that is how powerless this system can make you feel. I mean, we are going up against the federal government with nothing but hope and internet forums that, while helpful, do not describe a one-size-fits-all experience. There should be some way that we as appliers should be able to learn more about the status of our case, the best means about getting the information we need to submit, and just the ability to talk to actual people. When we would go to the regional office to ask questions or get our interview, the real people involved in looking over our cases were wonderful and helpful. But on the average day you cannot get that support. All you get is a static progress tab on the website that never changes until the last minute, letters asking for evidence that arrive weeks late and end up delaying the process, and explicit instructions that you cannot contact anyone about your case until after months have gone by whereupon they will then “look into the reason for the delay” which helps you none when all you want is peace of mind. When we actually talked to employees at the regional office they expressed frustration with their own inability to help couples like us because of lack of funds (again though we pay for these services they continue to face cuts) and miles of red tape. How is that any way to run a business, much less a federal service which many depend on and which politicians tout as the way that everyone should get into this country? I am in no way advocating for illegal immigration but facing this level of bureaucracy I can see the appeal, especially when your family needs money yesterday. As someone who grew up in a privileged background I have never had to deal with such situations of near desperation before and while my own desperation was minimal compared to what others face it was on its way to destroying parts of myself that previously had been naively kept safe. It definitely made me more grateful for what I have and started a fire in my belly about something that I have acknowledged needed fixing but now that I have been on the inside want to see changed.
One final note I will leave is the need for people applying for green cards, work visas, etc. is the need for a lawyer. Our lawyer did his job but on the whole caused more stress than he alleviated. Despite me asking him numerous times to review our paperwork he delayed the filing by looking at it at the last minute and then stated “Oh you need such and such.” During the process he was largely unresponsive to emails and phone calls, mostly just telling us in a condescending manner to “calm down” rather than explaining to us what was going on. As someone who had had to go through this process with his own wife I was expecting more compassion but didn’t receive any. The best part was when he showed up late to our interview, forcing us to waive our right to counsel since apparently something that would greatly affect our lives was not worth his time. During the interview our case worker told us not to worry since even if they do show up lawyers would just “sit at the back and not do anything;” he even had a lawyer fall asleep while he was interviewing a couple. We basically paid $2000 for a rubber stamp that ultimately won’t care one way or the other about what happens with our case (though he sent us a congratulatory email with lots of exclamation points and then had the gall to ask us to rate his services). I am in no way generalizing that all immigration lawyers are like this; I know for a fact there are many caring individuals who go above and beyond to help their clients. But I feel, from what I have heard from friends who have also gone through this process, that often our needs are not being met. When you are going through something this stressful you want someone who will actually advocate on your behalf. Even if they are running into the same red tape that we do it would be nice to know from time to time that they care and are in our corner.
My husband and I’s case turned out in the way that we hoped for and we are excited to start this next phase in our adventure. But that does not mean we do not worry about friends and family who are going through this process themselves. This system needs to change to show that the United States cares more about the people than the paperwork. Safety and security should not be sacrificed but there needs to be the understanding that the majority of the people going through this want to help make this country and, in turn, themselves better. And I think that as it stands right now this system has lost sight of that. So if I may address the US Government directly I would tell them to protect and respect their foundation or risk seeing it crumble around them.
Everyone has seen monkeys like the one above: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. And for the most part this seems like a good set of rules to live by. After all, no one wants to be caught up in the mob mentality of harmful behavior. But what if in some sense these monkeys could also be the symbol of the other mob mentality? That of complacency and turning a blind eye to harmful behavior that needs to be checked? After all, sometimes “evil” could be defined as going against the norm and seeking to promote change that others don’t want or are too ashamed to admit to themselves has been long overdue. I am certain the current political climate is influencing my observation of what has been for most of my life a cutesy symbol. But I am okay with that since if I see evil or hear evil I want to confront it and, above all, I want to prevent myself and others from speaking evil.
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