Sixth Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Six weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. I will admit I dropped the ball this week. Being busy at work for the first time in a while made me less inclined to use my pedal machine and then I just wanted to relax when I got home so there went riding the bike. I will do better on this this week.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I did really good on this this week and don’t feel as tired as I usually do towards the end. I was a bit sore from fencing so I took the last day off to rest.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Still going strong! I might be a little bit late next week on account of our vacation but rest assured when I am back I will make up for it! Besides, although the saying says everything must stay there I do feel that Vegas will make for an excellent muse for my next posts.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. I heard back negatively from one of the jobs I applied for and that was disappointing but at least I heard back. Time will tell if I hear back on anything from the other job; regardless I am glad I took this first foray back into the job market. And in a couple of weeks I should learn more about Congress from my dad’s colleague. I plan on reaching out to some of my own Hill colleagues this week to see if I can meet with them and learn about their experiences.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. I felt less guilty about saying no to a lunch/dinner this weekend so I could focus on what plans I already had for myself and not stress too much since I still feel slightly under the weather. I also felt less guilty about firmly asking that a meeting that I have coming up not be moved since I don’t want to miss too much work each week.
6. Use social media more effectively. I was reminded on the need to have good social media branding on event materials this week as my colleagues who were putting on the program had their handles in the program flyer. I am really looking forward to putting ours more on display during our next event by using the screens in the room better.
7. Drink more water. I was consistent at meeting my goal about 2/3 each day While it is not the 6 cups at least it was consistent and I felt hydrated which is most important. Plus, I wasn’t going to the bathroom every hour which was much less annoying.
8. Call a/on different friend once a week. I caught up with a great friend from high school over lunch on Saturday which was wonderful; she even had suggestions about what we should do in Vegas! While some might see texting over phone calls as a cheap way out, since I often feel discouraged if people don’t answer my calls I know that the text, even if they can’t answer right away, shows that I am thinking about them and am staying in touch in a way that is more flexible.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. In another post I just wrote on here about being more open I realized that even if I don’t show it outwardly I am more close minded and judgmental than I would care to admit so I need to be better at being more open even when peoples’ delivery of their opinions rubs me the wrong way.Their delivery is their problem. My goal should be to listen to the substance and seek to connect rather than chafe at their attitude which can be influenced by any number of factors.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I was able to plow through one of my books thanks to having some quiet time on Friday and Saturday. I can’t always count on this but it is great to be able to take advantage of it this time. Plus, the lesson I am working on in my app is words I already know so it is nice to breeze through the review without many mistakes!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I have started thinking about my packing list for our vacation and that will definitely include sexy toys and lube. Since these are things that make me comfortable I feel like they will help get me in the mood even in a hotel room.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. I was able to sneak a peek at our budget sheet this week and we have saved around $1,200! Plenty of money to treat ourselves to some fun experiences during our vacation and hopefully still have a little bit saved by the time we come back.

Fifth Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Five weeks down! And now that January is over I have made it through my first month!  Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. I had to do some catch up this week but got back on track. And now I have even more of a desire to keep up with this since it will help me with my fencing training.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I had to do some catch up this week but got back on track. And now I have even more of a desire to keep up with this since it will help me with my fencing training.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Though I don’t use it to write actual posts, it is nice having WordPress’ app on my phone so I can write down title ideas for posts throughout the week. Then I already have a jumping off point for when I actually sit down to write.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. My dad is putting me in touch with one of his colleagues who has a lot of experience with Congress so it will be very interesting to hopefully sit down with him and see how I can become more involved. If anything I can make sure that I am a better and more informed voter by the time the midterm elections roll around!
5. Say Yes and No quicker. I am go glad that I finally said yes to myself and overcame my hesitancy to take advantage of the fencing class that Weifang bought me for Christmas. Though I was the oldest at my first class and have a lot to learn I am so excited to take part in a sport that I have long admired.
6. Use social media more effectively. I have really enjoyed using SnapChat more recently to keep better in touch with friends who use this social media more often than other means of keeping in touch. I will never use it enough to make long stories but being able to send Moe temporary funny pictures to folks has been great.
7. Drink more water. I fell off the wagon a bit with this this week since I did not adequately plan for having time to drink water when I was busy or distracted during the week. I hope to be better at this in the coming week since it is this behavior that has led me to not drink enough water in the first place.
8. Call a/on different friend once a week. I checked in on a couple of friends over the phone this week to see how they were doing after tough weeks. It felt good to be able to catch up with them and make sure they were doing all right. I am planning on catching up with another dear friend over lunch during National Harbor’s restaurant week on Saturday which is sure to be a good time.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. Some of the courses that I was listening to on Lynda.com involved being a better listener and how to deal with difficult situations. It is hard learning things about yourself that you realize you could have done better or recognizing behavior that you don’t like in others in yourself. But at least by recognizing it now I can work to make my behavior reflect how I truly am and what I aspire to be. And it will help me have more empathy when dealing with others which is extremely important.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I didn’t study as much of this as I would have liked this week. But I am able to recognize more words when my husband speaks to me and able to use more words in conversation so I am on the right path!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. Now that we are in the month of Valentine’s Day I need to figure out my plan. It sounds so unsexy but since we are both busy people and I should be the one to take the initiative since this is all largely on me I will do my best to find a day where we can just enjoy each other.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. Even with paying for our vacation we saved around $200! Every little bit is a great achievement and I cannot wait to keep working towards our goal of saving around $800-1,000 when we do not have any big trips planned.

Fourth Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Four weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. Used my pedal machine more than my actual bike this week but it was a good way to make productive use of my time sitting at my desk and be able to stay on top of exercising when I knew that I would have a long night on Wednesday.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I had to do some make up in this category on Friday as after my long night at work on Wednesday and recovery on Thursday I skipped out on doing the exercises once each day. But I caught up and can still feel progress being made!
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. It is really nice to be back into a groove with this. Now I catch myself thinking about things that I have read or seen or experienced as good topics for posts and use the week to edit my thoughts before I put them to paper.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. Haven’t heard anything back just yet on the applications I turned in but I will keep the faith! In the meantime I will keep looking around to see what else is out there. After doing some research on the midterm races this year for Congress and local government I am more convinced that volunteering in some form on a campaign would be a great learning experience as well.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. I have a packed weekend this weekend with the dinner I mentioned last week, a baby shower, and a movie night. It feels good to have all of these opportunities to talk to folks and that Weifang will also have time to play pool since I will be out most of the day on Sunday. Plus, got my ticket for the comic convention in March so that is all set as well!
6. Use social media more effectively. I’ve been going through all of the saved links on my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest to print out or save things that I will actually do or use rather than just always leaving things up. This way I have new recipes to try, new craft projects to make, and lots of fun ideas for when I have children.
7. Drink more water. I am on my fourth plant! But I fell behind on Wednesday on account of staying late at work and sitting in a place with no bathroom (this goal has been a killer on my bladder!). But on the whole I have gotten better at responding right away when my app reminds me that it is time to drink.
8. Call a/on different friend once a week. I was able to help my friend Paige vent this week when she called me over the phone so I was happy to serve as her sounding board. It was National Compliment Day this week so I let all of my friends know how much they mean to me and got lots of wonderful compliments in return. I am doing better with sending birthday cards this year so far and am happy to provide that small token on my affection. And as I mentioned above I will be seeing a lot of friends this weekend for various activities.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. As I mentioned in my gratitude post today I was happy that I ended a. subscription that ultimately was causing me more harm than good (guilt over not utilizing it properly, the money I felt I was wasting because of that, etc.). But I am very disappointed by how the person running it tried to make me feel guilty and small when the whole point of the field he is in is to help people feel good about themselves and live their best life. Thanks but no thanks dude I am glad I found this out now before I wasted more of my time. I also want to both commend myself for staying patient and vent about why I had to stay late at work this week. We were having our carpet professionally cleaned and I was more than happy to stay late to lend a hand since out elevators lock at a certain time and to make sure they had everything they needed. So that wasn’t the problem. But then, as is always the case, issues arose. The gentleman who showed up was late, he went up the staircase that he wasn’t supposed to which added time to his set up, pretended like we hadn’t told him which staircase to go up, complained hat he had only learned about the job that morning and therefore wasn’t prepared, and surprise, surprise, after two hours of hemming and hawing when he actually got down to business it only took about an hour and a half. Maybe he had been not properly informed by his boss. I don’t care. If it was me I would do my best and help the customer because it would not be his or her fault. Just be the bigger person. Needless to say that for once in my life when they sent the customer survey I actually filled it out and outlined my concerns. Hopefully if there is a next job they will do better. In the end, at least the carpets looked good so something good came out of it.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. Weifang told me that my Chinese has gotten a lot better since I started studying since by doing it on multiple platforms vocab words are sticking in my head better.
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. Every day I look at my husband I know he is the one. The more we discuss our future and children the more I am so excited that he will always be mine. This is the mindset that I have been truly looking for to overwhelm the doubts outside forces send to me.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. We are going on vacation in a few weeks! Even with this expense by eating out less and keeping to our budget but getting rid of subscriptions and not buying too much we are on track to save over $1,000 this month. We are doing awesome!

This Week in Gratitude: Vacation Anticipation, Saying Yes, and Saying No

1. Weifang and I have booked tickets and a hotel room for our MUCH overdue vacation in Las Vegas in a few weeks! We haven’t been on a long vacation that didn’t involve seeing friends or family (and those are both great but they aren’t really vacations) since we got married. Plus, the more research we do the more really fun things appear in a city that most people just write off as full of casinos and neon. Needless to say we are very excited!
2. I have a packed weekend this week: Today is dinner with a good friend and her roommates, tomorrow I have a baby shower in the morning and a movie day with two friends in the afternoon. Weifang will be playing pool with one of his friends as well. The baby shower I was obviously going to go to but the other plans came up over the past week and usually I am not sure if I want to go or if Weifang wants to go or if he would mind (he never does but yay anxiety!) so I waffle and I hate it even though my friends are used to making plans last minute anyway. So it felt good to say “Yes!” and the following weekend I can just relax with my husband 🙂
3. I got rid of a subscription to a class that I thought at the time might be worth starting but later realized I don’t have the ideas that would make it worthwhile or really the time to focus on it when I have other goals I would rather pursue (plus I could always find a different class anyway). Also, it would allow me to use the money I was spending on the subscription to use for vacations or other things I want to do with Weifang. So I was glad that I finally said no thanks and got rid of it. The only downer was that the person who was in charge of the class tried to guilt trip me into taking this off of my plate by saying we had an “agreement” (which we don’t as that’s not how class subscriptions work). So I am also glad I got rid of it since if he can’t respect my choices when I decide that something isn’t right for me right now that is not someone I want to work with anyway.

Third Week in Review: New Year’s Resolutions

Three weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. Still riding along! I did more of a balance between my exercise bike and my pedal machine this week so that hopefully has helped different muscles get some love.
2. Use my arm weights every day. I took my husband’s advice about doing three reps of ten rather than all thirty at once and it goes much smoother! I didn’t exhaust myself as much with lifting the weights over my head so onward and upward.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. This week was a good one for remembering gratitude and venting, two things that I enjoy using writing for since it helps me stay focused on the positive and get out the negative without complaining too much.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. I turned in two applications this week!! My dad helped me proofread my cover letters and reformat my resume so we shall see what happens. It was really nice to look at all that I have accomplished so here’s to the next step!
5. Say Yes and No quicker. A friend invited my husband and I to dinner and me to a comic convention and I was able to get back to her right away rather than just sitting on it. Felt good and my anxiety was for naught since my husband was up for the dinner! I don’t want to make it seem like he isn’t he usually is and I respect him knowing his own mind when he says no. I am still trying to get out of that mindset that we need to always accept couple invitations; sometimes only one of us wants to go and that is okay!
6. Use social media more effectively. Whelp I didn’t end up deleting my Twitter. I might just let it lie for now since it isn’t doing any harm by just sitting there. It was good to reflect last week on how it bums me out when my posts don’t get hits so now I know to leave it alone unless that is a good medium rather than just posting on it willy nilly.
7. Drink more water. I am still working on my third plant. I did okay this week but I feel like I need to be more aggressive in pursuing this goal. One way I could do this is by immediately drinking when the two hour reminder hits. I haven’t been using this as a format to get all six cups in so I will try this out this week and see how it goes.
8. Call a different friend once a week. I had a great phone call with Joe and Laura on Monday and called my friend Carolyn on her birthday on Friday which gave her a pleasant surprise. This was in person but I caught up with my friend Sara over yoga (with kittens!) and tea on Saturday as well.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. I had some more time to reflect on behaviors that bother me this week. I don’t like it when people automatically se the negative in things. I do this from time to time (science tells us that we don’t like behaviors in others that we see in ourselves) so my hands are not clean. But I have been noticing it more recently in friends and I just wish that they could enjoy the moment more rather than seeking to find faults. Yes it would be nice if there were more options available during an activity we did or that it was less expensive or numerous other things. But enjoy it for what it is and next time we can take those factors into account. If anything it makes me feel bad that I suggested something in the first place if most of what you say is a complaint. Additionally, I read an article that has had a similar theme for the past year and a half, namely folks in the government quitting because they don’t agree with Trump’s policies. This article was about a commission that works for the National Park Service. On the one hand, I appreciate them standing up for their principles and making a public statement and display about it. But on the other hand, I don’t want them to leave when the going gets tough. I want them to fight from the inside and protect those interests that they believe are under threat. Because that is what I hope to do one day. Make no mistake I do not want to leave my job simply because I want more money or that I disagree with the mission. I agree with the mission, just not enough in my opinion is being done to carry that mission forward. So I say to these people this: I respect you and I know just how frustrating that can be, but we need you now more than ever.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I fell a little bit behind on this this week but have been continuing to learn new words (I filled up a whole notebook!). I know that I am making progress and am on the right path because now it is easier for me to not only memorize words but recognize words’ meanings since I can recognize the individual characters that make up words. This is super exciting!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I am shirking on this goal and I feel bad. But I have been doing some inward exploring as to what my hang-ups are and that has been quite enlightening. This goal in particular is where outward expectations are interfering with my inward peace and, ultimately, happiness so armed with this knowledge I can proceed from here.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. I felt a bit guilty this week for buying some expensive make up but at least you get what you pay for because this stuff is fantastic. My husband told me that we didn’t have to live like we are poor so that prompted a nice discussion about furthering out budget goals. And we have bought tickets for a vacation in February! So there is a good goal for saving money so we can live it up!

Second Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Two weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. Right on track! My husband and I have been doing this whenever we have time each day and it has been working out well. Occasionally if I know I will be busy when I get home I use the pedal machine that I have under my desk at work to get in my two miles. Luckily since I consistently ride the bike at home for about 16 minutes to complete my mile it makes it easy to crank out at least that much on my pedal machine if not more since it is getting pretty routine for me now (yay!).
2. Use my arm weights every day. Since this takes about five minutes it is super easy to fit in whenever I have time. My husband had a great suggestion to do each of the six exercises for three reps of 10 rather than all 30 at once and I have to say it is marked improvement on my soreness.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Today is the day that I am cranking these out! After I update on my resolution progress I am going to tackle my gratitude post for this week as well as two posts that came to me while I was reading Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women by Kristine Carlson.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. I had a couple more informational interviews this week and when I checked back on an organization’s website that my colleagues had informed me might be posting a job soon I saw that there was one open! So today I am planning on knocking out a draft of my cover letters which I will send over to my dad so he can proofread them and help me shorten my resume a bit.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. Haven’t had to act on this goal this week so I will keep you posted next week!
6. Use social media more effectively. I have decided this week that I am going to delete my personal Twitter. I don’t use it (the Twitter handles I do use are tied to my work) and honestly it’s not really my platform. If anything, it discourages me that 1. I don’t have time to use it effectively outside of work and 2. Contributes to my feelings of inadequacy when things I post don’t really get any traction. So I think it is definitely for the best and if I decide to get more involved with it in the future it is quite easy to jump back on again.
7. Drink more water. I have now grown two plants and started on my third! I was more consistent with drinking six cups last week but still ended up drinking slightly less than the first week since one day my stomach didn’t feel so good so I only drank three cups.
8. Call a different friend once a week. I am planning on calling my friends Joe and Laura today to catch up with them about their recent trip to Costa Rica and how their birthday was, respectively.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. I had to do a bit more venting this week due to some frustrations with my home office but it felt good to get it off my chest and come up with some ways that I can at least help my own office become more effective, particularly on communications plans. It did reinforce for me the need to explore other options. Plus, I’ve been doing some serious thinking on what worries have been holding me back from being as intimate as I can be with my husband so I am nervous but excited to be an even better wife to a guy that deserves the world.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I have been using my Chinese study apps quite well these past couple of weeks, especially since they are easy to use during quiet time at work and when I am working out (helps distract me from focusing too much on the mile counter). I haven’t had as much time to work in my textbooks but my husband has declared today a study day so I should be able to catch up on that score.
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I gotta say one thing that all of this cold weather has been great for has been cuddling in bed or on the couch covered with blankets! Sure is nice to spend time with my favorite human! Now that my period is over let the fun begin! 😉
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. So far so good! I felt slightly guilty (this was from an internal source rather than my husband saying anything) when I went to a craft fair with friends over the past weekend but I used gift money to buy fun things and support local businesses so in the end it didn’t hurt anything. Also, we are planning to have a trip rather than gifts for Valentine’s Day (most likely Vegas baby!) so having a near term travel goal will definitely help us save up and stay on budget.

First Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

One week down! I have never been particularly good at sticking to resolutions so this year I intend to write down those resolutions and each week frankly assess my progress. Here we go!

1. Use my exercise bike every day. So far so good! I have been riding two miles every day and my husband has been doing so as well since we are competitive. I try to do this in the morning but as long as I get around to it before I go to bed that works for me!
2. Use my arm weights every day. Ditto to above! I have been using this workout by Olympic swimmer Dara Torres and it has been great! My arms hurt but hey that means I am making progress.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Today is helping me fulfill this goal! I need to be better at writing as soon as I have a good idea but this week was all about trying to get used to the other goals on this list so I am still within the week! Plus, at least for my gratitude post, it was nice to keep it until the end since so much great stuff happened to me after Monday so it wouldn’t have been captured right away.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. This obviously won’t happen overnight. But I am taking advantage of a relatively light schedule at work to have informational interviews which has been wonderful to learn more about what I can do ay my current job to build up my skill set and see what is available in the education field.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. This goal needs some context. Though I still get back to people within 48 hours (which is a lot quicker than a lot of people) I always feel bad when I don’t get back to people right away when they invite me to do something. Usually this is because I am not sure if I want to go but don’t want to hurt feelings (especially since it is rare that I am not the one initiating plans) and also I am not sure that my husband will want to do the thing (he is very up front about whether or not he wants to do stuff and is always supportive if I want to do something on my own so I am not sure why this is such a sticking point for me). I didn’t need to act on this goal this week but this is super important to me going forward.
6. Use social media more effectively. This week I have been working on posting on different platforms, including practicing my Chinese on WeChat and Weibo. But I need to get better, especially with LinkedIn which will help me with Goal #4 as well.
7. Drink more water. I downloaded Plant Nanny to help me have outward accountability (I don’t want to kill my plant!) and I have been doing decent. I am supposed to drink six glasses a day and I have been doing pretty well but there have been a couple days were I just felt super saturated so I only drank 3or 4 glasses. But honestly even this is still better than where I was so as long as I make it halfway through my goal each day I will be happy.
8. Call a different friend once a week. My friend Paige actually beat me to the punch this week and called me so that was a wonderful surprise to catch up! Plus, I am continuing my habit of always responding to texts in a timely manner since I want to continue to treat folks how I want to be treated.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. If you recall I wrote a blog post about a fortune cookie that I got last year and I am doing my best to follow this advice. I have been talking about things that annoy me more and right away so they can’t sit in my head and fester. But rather than venting to whomever I have been talking to colleagues and friends who can empathize and offer solutions rather than get into a cycle of complaining. Topics this week include how bureaucratic work has been and the current administration.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. Between a slow schedule at work and y passion for studying in general I have exceeded this goal this week (though I did not actually count the hours). I am hoping I don’t fall off the wagon with this like I have done in the past couple of years so I will keep you posted!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I was on my period which never makes me feel particularly sexy but all of the kissing and cuddling this week has been fantastic (not that we ever have a problem with this). I am looking forward to this goal most of all.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. My husband and I updated our Excel and made a plan this week so I am hopeful that we will be able to save even more! However, I did feel a little guilty that I bought a couple fun things for myself this weekend but my husband was super supportive and didn’t mind at all so this was more self-inflicted. Besides, it is good to support small businesses so while I am not going to go crazy I definitely want to make my small purchases count in the grand scheme.

This Week in Gratitude: ALL the things! And a Recommendation

Happy 2018 all!! Apologies for being delayed this week but honestly I think that only served to help me find out even more things to be grateful about in this new year. With that, here we go!

1. New year new start! I honestly don’t care if some people think the new year is arbitrary, I love the concept of a fresh start and planning, as much as one can because, you know, life, about what you want to accomplish in the new year. My husband and I worked on our joint couple goals as well as our personal goals and I have to say, a week into working on them, I’m excited.
2. One of my wonderful friends asked me to be one of her bridesmaids this week which was super exciting! It came on a day that I was feeling a bit meh as well so it was absolutely a perfect way to focus on awesome things in the future. I can’t wait to spoil my friend rotten at her showers and celebrate in September!
3. The thing that was bothering me that I referred to above was my in laws subtlety (re. not) asking for us to get pregnant this year. Now we have had numerous conversations about this with them and they seem to understand that we will have children when we want to but it doesn’t seem to stick. Usually this annoys me but I can get over it but the combination of it not even being a week into 2018 and my period (which always makes me paranoid and emotional) just put me into a funk. I reached out to some of my friends to talk through it as well as my self improvement Facebook group and it was supremely helpful. My Facebook group in particular made me feel so humbled by all the support that I received from the women who had been in similar situations. It was so important to feel like I wasn’t alone and these kind and open strangers were in my corner.

I haven’t done this in a while but recently at work I started binging the By the Book podcast. Two women, one more open one skeptical, read a self help book and try to follow the advice therein for two weeks to see if the book is worth recommending. It’s like having a book club with friends (their husbands participate as well and are hilarious) and also learning if self help books would work for you.

 

Twin Cycle of Worries: Money and Babies

Today just seems like a good day to get things off my chest. Both of these topics will likely feature in other future posts but as they have come up a lot this year I want to use the catharsis of writing to put my thoughts down on paper and start thinking about how best to mitigate them.

Obviously my husband and I are at that age where our friends are having babies, our families are at least asking (and at times outright demanding) about babies, and we are also discussing when we want to have babies. And we would like to have them sooner rather than later, no question. But we have two concerns.

One, which might be affecting me more than my husband, is the fear that I won’t be able to raise my child or children in the way that I want. Because let’s face it no matter how many people you talk to or books you read, or anything like that there is no one right way to raise kids. And, since I believe that having children is a largely selfish endeavor since you are having a child because you want one, you have an obligation to give your children the best possible life they can possibly have. And in turn I think that it is important to also understand that you will learn from your children and they will make you a better person. So of course I have the tried and tested fear that I won’t know what I am doing and will screw it up somehow but hey I’m not unique and there are parent groups for that.

But the other part is making sure that my children get the right blend of both my husband and I’s cultures. I am all for this since I want our kids to be global citizens regardless since having a healthy respect and wonder for the outside world is super important. Plus, I wouldn’t wish late-in-life language learning on anyone. So that isn’t the issue. The issue is that I am pretty sure that certain aspects of Chinese culture will find a champion in my at times extremely overbearing mother-in-law, particularly that grandparents are super hands on and at times actually live with their grown children. Now I am all for on hand grandparents as I did not really have that myself. But there is a difference in asking for help or having people over and having help and thereby opinions on what you are doing for the children forced upon you and I am pretty sure that that is what I will be dealing with. As someone who often shares fake health news articles with us I dread getting into an argument with her about what I should be feeding the baby or how I should teach my kids both languages or a myriad of other details. And this isn’t really a culture thing since this exists everywhere as my friends can attest. That presents a tricky angle to be sure but ultimately it will be a clash of personalities rather than an East vs. West mentality. I truly hope that I am speaking through an anxiety prism on this but I don’t think I am. I will only know after we have children and I just hope that I can bear it and that my husband will rise to the occasion and defend our choices like he claims he will.

A related issue to this is money. Of course a big concern for us in bringing children into this world is that we give them the best life that we can and that will involve money. My husband grew up poor so to him this is extremely important that he can provide for his kids. I grew up the opposite in an upper middle class family so for me there is a different worry that as I did not want for anything I will feel like a failure if I cannot provide my children with the great life I had with vacations each summer and the whole nine. Obviously these things take time to save for but given how the economy is and with the government situation these days things are looking bleak for our generation to live at the style to which most of us were either accustomed, hope to achieve via the “American Dream” or a mixture of both. All we can do for now is do our best to save and stick to a budget even in the face of events we don’t prepare for. All I know is I am teaching my kids about the value of saving and working early since it was wonderful that I was able to take unpaid internships but man does it make me feel inadequate that I don’t know all that much about and therefore am kind of afraid of money or rather the lack of it.

Now this cycles back to my in-laws, who were extremely generous in helping us with the down payment for our house, largely due to the traditional custom in China that the parents help the children get settled. To this day they still can’t believe that I was willing to marry Weifang before he had the big three of a house, car and job, something that is largely unthinkable in China. Now, I have borrowed money from my parents too when my husband was unable to work during his green card application and I fully intend to pay them back once I am able to save more than a few hundred a month. Paying my in-laws back for the house will take longer but of course we can do other things for them in the meantime. Here is where I worry since they are always willing to give us money. I don’t like being beholden to people even in generous circumstances like these. But I can’t help but worry that whomever controls the money controls the decisions and I don’t want to have to go along with arrangements just because my in-laws paid for them. This especially includes when we have children, which my in-laws think will happen sooner if they just throw some money at us. As I said before I will accept help but I don’t want it forced upon me and, frankly, I want to be a parent my children can be proud of by being able to take care of my own family. I don’t want charity and I sure as hell don’t want money with strings attached. I don’t think they have nefarious motives I promise but after being forced to have them as house guests for four months I can’t help but be skeptical.

So what can I do about these? Well aside for having good conversations about these issues with my husband and working on staying on a budget (both things that we have been doing) not much. These are situations where you just have to do the best you and can then roll with the tide once things happen. All I know is I will always do my best to be worthy of my husband since I know I lucked out and as long as we communicate we should be fine. Besides, my friends, after this summer, have all told us that whenever we want to escape should the House Guests for Eternity happen again their beds/couches are open I know I have places to escape to. So that is a big relief. So, as I write this on National Look on the Bright Side Day, I pause to be grateful for my husband, my growing self confidence, my growing willingness to speak my mind and put myself out there, and my caring family who for all their faults are good people who just want the best for us. And that is priceless.

This Week in Gratitude: Catching Up with Friends, Shopping with Friends, and Cat Cuddles

1. It may be the holidays but I have had the awesome pleasure of catching up with numerous friends over lunch, holiday parties, and movie nights for the past week. This is not a strange occurrence as I try to make this happen at least a couple of times a month but the amount of love in the past week has been highly concentrated. And what makes it extra special to me is that all of these friends have reached out to me rather than the usual other way around. As someone who is happy to plan get-togethers so they actually happen I am always excited when people reach out to me since it makes me realize that I don’t always have to make the effort which serves to tamp down my anxiety that people to want to hang out with me and aren’t obligated simply when I extend an invitation to myself. So I am grateful for busy friends who make the time to see me and I can’t wait for more of these dates in the new year!
2. On a related note, I helped a friend with her Christmas shopping yesterday and realized how much I missed simply walking around with a friend goofing off in the mall. I of course love shopping with my husband but it’s not the same as being out with a girlfriend who indulges your silly selfies in Sephora and will totally build LEGO minifigs with you.
3. We were gone over the weekend and my cat was extra cuddly this morning. She is very people-oriented anyway but given all of the bad press that cats get for not being as in-your-face as dogs often are I am always grateful for time spent with my furry friend!