I Can’t Even: Reactive Government Policy

Obviously this is going to focus a lot on the current government shut down. Let me state right off the bat that I think both sides are wrong and this utterly stupid partisanship is why I refuse to belong to either party (I am registered independent but let’s not kid ourselves the candidates who ran under that banner during the election were awful). So don’t think for a second either side will escape this criticism. I cannot believe that something that we yell at our peers, family, students, etc. is allowed to play out on the national stage. And that is reactive government policy. There is little to no preparation for when things such as this government shutdown will happen, largely because up until the very end both sides have decided that issues are better served to be hostages rather than areas for disagreement but ultimate resolution. You all KNEW this day was coming; every few months you have passed a continuing resolution for the budget. Like you thought these issues would just go away if you yelled about the other side long enough. Like some ignorant children who have decided to procrastinate a group project until the LAST minute because you don’t like each other. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. And then you expect us all to cheer during the times when you passed one of these stupid CRs at the 11th hour like you stopped a bomb with 5 seconds left in a B level spy movie.  I want to believe in you all. I want to believe that eventually you will be worthy of my and my fellow citizens’ respect. But I don’t. Which means I will be dancing a jig when you all are fighting for your political lives in the fall. You all make me so disappointed to be an American.

I HAVE to discuss this point in a more historical context and with a more specific focus. I just finished Sheri Fink’s Five Days at Memorial which catalogues the failure at all levels for the handling of the disaster that affected New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. This was awful to read but extremely important. I knew that things were bad then with the levees breaking and the investigations into FEMA but man that just scratched the surface. From the Bush administration to the local New Orleans government to the high levels of the corporation that was in charge of Memorial Hospital every one wanted, like Congress is doing now, to pass the blame along and not take responsibility. And OH MAN was there responsibility to be had. From no coordinated effort to get survivors out of New Orleans to not wanting to spend money on hurricane proofing hospitals to covering up morally ambiguous behavior by doctors and nurses that led to patient deaths this was reactive policy making at its finest. I don’t care if the big hurricane doesn’t happen. You spend all the money you need to ensure that if it does your citizens are safe. You have evacuation plans in place so they don’t have to worry that they are left behind. You fix the infrastructure so no one loses their homes. This might take some elbow grease and, god forbid, compromise but you get it fucking done. And clearly it hasn’t been done since Puerto Rico and Houston and California and hundreds of other places have to pay for this negligence today. So government big and small, I can’t even with you.

1. Okay, now for the actual #2.

 

This Week in Gratitude: Editing Help, Righteous Frustration, and Free Books

1. I applied for two new jobs this past week and I couldn’t be more grateful for my dad putting an extra pair of eyes on my resume and cover letters. In case you haven’t noticed, I like to write stream of consciousness, be that a post on here or for cover letters. So while I know that I am good at getting my points across in this manner it is nice to have someone look at it to make sure that it actually makes grammatical sense. Plus, my father just helped my husband reformat his resume so I knew that mine would be in good hands. I hope to achieve in my career what my dad has done in his (i.e. make a difference) and he has always helped me with applications. It seemed only natural that he would help me in this (hopeful) next transition in my journey.
2. This might seem like a weird thing to be grateful for but hear me out. These past couple of weeks saw the president (“allegedly”) use racist language to talk about other countries and their citizens, a government shutdown, and people on my timeline criticizing the women’s march because they either don’t think there are any issues that women are up against or they feel the need to say that it is not enough. And while I agree with the latter, there is a small part of me that is really tired of them saying “oh look at the white women only caring once a year.” But I digress. The main thing is I am grateful that I still feel frustrated. I am glad that this still makes me angry. Because this means that “they” have not made me so completely jaded that I don’t care and remain complacent. I absolutely wish that these things weren’t happening but since they are I know I have to do something about it. I am doing my best to figure out what I can do on the policy side (besides obviously voting in an informed manner this fall). But at the very least I can make sure that my friends are doing all right and keep their spirits up.
3. I just finished a compelling book about Hurricane Katrina thanks to having access to my digital library through my Kindle. I am currently reading David Litt’s memoir of his time as President Obama’s speech writer and am looking forward to revisiting Maya Angelou’s work as well which I have not read since high school. I love learning and books are a great way to keep doing that in my spare time. So I am thankful that even though I love a good hard copy, having access to electronic versions through my library means that a new book is never too far away.

Life Isn’t Perfect, But It’s Mine

I found this cute picture on Pintrest a long time ago. While my husband and I were dating I gave it to him, detailing how even then I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. On that score, this is absolutely true. Barring a disaster I fully intend to always be with him and together I know we will have a great life.

But the problem with lists like this, both in print and in one’s head, is that things do not go according to plan. I am always quick to jump in and say that I am not a perfectionist since it has such a negative connotation but I do like to plan and I do get bent out of shape when things don’t go my way (though thankfully much less than I used to).

These check marks might be cute but they can set you up for failure emotionally. For example, though it doesn’t get that granular we have not yet had a honeymoon. This has been due to a variety of factors: money, green cards, and unexpected family visits. All of which are valid and, at times necessary, delays. But it still bums me out that I have not checked this off the list (especially since we deserve a vacation!).

Similarly, we are entering that stage in our lives when we are thinking about having children and, at times, are being pressured to. As anyone who is a parent will tell you there is no way you can fully prepare which terrifies me as a planner. So I am not sure how those check marks will turn out. I will likely not be ready. There will likely be outside unsolicited advice as to what I should be doing once I have children. But all I know is that in one respect this picture is right. It will be my husband and I supporting each other and raising our children with all the love we can muster.

So maybe we won’t hate as an idyllic picture of brining our baby home or sending them off to school (if that is even the path they choose so in that sense the picture is trying to bring me down a path that I don’t know will be the right fit for them). Maybe instead of a honeymoon we will wait until the last step on this picture and have it be a retirementmoon. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me to not stick to “THE PLAN” but honestly each day it feels a little easier not to. My life might not be the traditional perfect but it is mine. And as long as I enjoy it and who I share it with (I can happily say so far so good on both of these!) that is my definition of pretty darn awesome.

Please Just Let Kids Play

*Disclaimer: I am not a parent*

The debate over gender and children is long, varied, and important. I want to add my two cents to an issue that I deem to be important based off of an off hand comment that I read in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women by Kristine Carlson. In the chapter “Get Down and Dirty” she righty advocates for parents to just let their children play since childhood is fleeting, especially in the rush to grow up in this day and age, and that includes letting them go outside and get dirty while having fun. Something I absolutely agree with. But then there was this line:

“After all, in every girl there’s a little bit of boy, and it reminds us to live carefree for a few of our moments each day, like we did when we are kids.” [emphasis is my own]

Aside from the glaring issue that I have for her description for women in general, which makes it seem that men as a rule are more carefree than us so we need to be more like them in order to relax, the fact that she had to make it seem that little girls are acting more boyish if they want to go outside and play is absurd. Gender shouldn’t be a part of this equation at all. It should read more like “After all, children’s exuberance to play outside without care of grass stains or dirt should remind us to live carefree for a few of our moments each day.”

Now, growing up I was able to play with whatever I wanted. Putting my privilege aside for a second, if I wanted to play with my Barbies (both inside and out since they too were adventurous women who weren’t afraid to hike or go swimming in the gold fish pond or make stews of wild strawberries and the like) that was completely fine. Ditto with the action figures I loved, who included Toy Story characters, Star Wars beanie babies, Batman and Robin, my Legolas action figure from Lord of the Rings, and numerous others. I would also like to point out that they were 99% toys that I asked for although my dad’s super old GI Joe figures sometimes joined in.

But this also extended to other toys that are to this day still gendered in some way though not as obvious: LEGO, Tinker Toys, Hot Wheels, Polly Pocket; the list goes on.

It astounds me that this is an issue. I never thought it was strange to be playing with certain toys or that they were supposed to be for one gender or the other. Rather I loved them all since they helped me act out the stories in my imagination and also gave me and my friends numerous things to play with whenever we were together. These are what memories are made of. And my parents never made a big deal of what I wanted. If it made me happy it was fine, regardless of whether I wanted to dress up as Cleopatra for Halloween or Batman. Some of the earliest pictures of me have me in Superman PJs; not Supergirl, Superman.

I have applauded all of the stores that have come out and said they are getting rid of their gendered aisles and/or advertising. There is still a long way to go, particularly the colors that some toys are marketed in but progress is being made. I will never understand all of the negative comments that this has brought out from parents who are, in my opinion, afraid of what makes their children wonderful: their individuality. Society already tries to tamp this down, parents should be rebelling against this and helping their children live their best lives not siding with it.

So I will end with this. Please PLEASE let your children play with what they want. You have no idea if a love of action figures will lead your daughter into a wonderful director or comic drawing career just as you don’t know if your son will be the great next fashion designer. But even that is not important because what you play with shouldn’t be a determining factor in a career path. It should be to allow your imagination to run wild and free and to pack as much fun into your childhood as possible. Ultimately that is what will make children wonderful adults; the ability to be themselves. And that all starts with play.

This Week in Gratitude: Heat, Accountability, and Routine

1. It has been unseasonably cold over the past couple of weeks here in Maryland and I have to profoundly thank the powers that be that we have had working heat the entire time. I cannot imagine how awful it must be for folks whose heat has gone out, are unable to pay to keep it on, or don’t have a warm place to stay in at all. I am so grateful that my family and friends have stayed warm and safe. Here’s hoping it warms up soon!
2. I have been participating in an accountability group with fellow Tiny Leaps group members on the Slack app and it has been great to both get and offer advice for issues that we are all hoping to work on this year. Once I figured out how to use the app it has been a nice daily resource. We are all doing pretty well so far but I am looking forward to support should start falling off the wagon on my goals further into the year.
3. On a related note , I am really enjoying having a routine (such as it is) for 2018. Although I can’t always do my goals at the same time every day since life happens it is nice to at the very least have a check list of everything that I want to get done during the day so I can always feel a small sense of accomplishment. I have also been very proud of my husband for working on his own routine which works for him and that is all that matters.

Second Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

Two weeks down! Here’s my summation of my progress.

1. Use my exercise bike every day. Right on track! My husband and I have been doing this whenever we have time each day and it has been working out well. Occasionally if I know I will be busy when I get home I use the pedal machine that I have under my desk at work to get in my two miles. Luckily since I consistently ride the bike at home for about 16 minutes to complete my mile it makes it easy to crank out at least that much on my pedal machine if not more since it is getting pretty routine for me now (yay!).
2. Use my arm weights every day. Since this takes about five minutes it is super easy to fit in whenever I have time. My husband had a great suggestion to do each of the six exercises for three reps of 10 rather than all 30 at once and I have to say it is marked improvement on my soreness.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Today is the day that I am cranking these out! After I update on my resolution progress I am going to tackle my gratitude post for this week as well as two posts that came to me while I was reading Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women by Kristine Carlson.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. I had a couple more informational interviews this week and when I checked back on an organization’s website that my colleagues had informed me might be posting a job soon I saw that there was one open! So today I am planning on knocking out a draft of my cover letters which I will send over to my dad so he can proofread them and help me shorten my resume a bit.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. Haven’t had to act on this goal this week so I will keep you posted next week!
6. Use social media more effectively. I have decided this week that I am going to delete my personal Twitter. I don’t use it (the Twitter handles I do use are tied to my work) and honestly it’s not really my platform. If anything, it discourages me that 1. I don’t have time to use it effectively outside of work and 2. Contributes to my feelings of inadequacy when things I post don’t really get any traction. So I think it is definitely for the best and if I decide to get more involved with it in the future it is quite easy to jump back on again.
7. Drink more water. I have now grown two plants and started on my third! I was more consistent with drinking six cups last week but still ended up drinking slightly less than the first week since one day my stomach didn’t feel so good so I only drank three cups.
8. Call a different friend once a week. I am planning on calling my friends Joe and Laura today to catch up with them about their recent trip to Costa Rica and how their birthday was, respectively.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. I had to do a bit more venting this week due to some frustrations with my home office but it felt good to get it off my chest and come up with some ways that I can at least help my own office become more effective, particularly on communications plans. It did reinforce for me the need to explore other options. Plus, I’ve been doing some serious thinking on what worries have been holding me back from being as intimate as I can be with my husband so I am nervous but excited to be an even better wife to a guy that deserves the world.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. I have been using my Chinese study apps quite well these past couple of weeks, especially since they are easy to use during quiet time at work and when I am working out (helps distract me from focusing too much on the mile counter). I haven’t had as much time to work in my textbooks but my husband has declared today a study day so I should be able to catch up on that score.
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I gotta say one thing that all of this cold weather has been great for has been cuddling in bed or on the couch covered with blankets! Sure is nice to spend time with my favorite human! Now that my period is over let the fun begin! 😉
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. So far so good! I felt slightly guilty (this was from an internal source rather than my husband saying anything) when I went to a craft fair with friends over the past weekend but I used gift money to buy fun things and support local businesses so in the end it didn’t hurt anything. Also, we are planning to have a trip rather than gifts for Valentine’s Day (most likely Vegas baby!) so having a near term travel goal will definitely help us save up and stay on budget.

First Week in Review: New Years Resolutions

One week down! I have never been particularly good at sticking to resolutions so this year I intend to write down those resolutions and each week frankly assess my progress. Here we go!

1. Use my exercise bike every day. So far so good! I have been riding two miles every day and my husband has been doing so as well since we are competitive. I try to do this in the morning but as long as I get around to it before I go to bed that works for me!
2. Use my arm weights every day. Ditto to above! I have been using this workout by Olympic swimmer Dara Torres and it has been great! My arms hurt but hey that means I am making progress.
3. Write at least two blog posts a week. Today is helping me fulfill this goal! I need to be better at writing as soon as I have a good idea but this week was all about trying to get used to the other goals on this list so I am still within the week! Plus, at least for my gratitude post, it was nice to keep it until the end since so much great stuff happened to me after Monday so it wouldn’t have been captured right away.
4. Find (and hopefully start) a new job in 2018. This obviously won’t happen overnight. But I am taking advantage of a relatively light schedule at work to have informational interviews which has been wonderful to learn more about what I can do ay my current job to build up my skill set and see what is available in the education field.
5. Say Yes and No quicker. This goal needs some context. Though I still get back to people within 48 hours (which is a lot quicker than a lot of people) I always feel bad when I don’t get back to people right away when they invite me to do something. Usually this is because I am not sure if I want to go but don’t want to hurt feelings (especially since it is rare that I am not the one initiating plans) and also I am not sure that my husband will want to do the thing (he is very up front about whether or not he wants to do stuff and is always supportive if I want to do something on my own so I am not sure why this is such a sticking point for me). I didn’t need to act on this goal this week but this is super important to me going forward.
6. Use social media more effectively. This week I have been working on posting on different platforms, including practicing my Chinese on WeChat and Weibo. But I need to get better, especially with LinkedIn which will help me with Goal #4 as well.
7. Drink more water. I downloaded Plant Nanny to help me have outward accountability (I don’t want to kill my plant!) and I have been doing decent. I am supposed to drink six glasses a day and I have been doing pretty well but there have been a couple days were I just felt super saturated so I only drank 3or 4 glasses. But honestly even this is still better than where I was so as long as I make it halfway through my goal each day I will be happy.
8. Call a different friend once a week. My friend Paige actually beat me to the punch this week and called me so that was a wonderful surprise to catch up! Plus, I am continuing my habit of always responding to texts in a timely manner since I want to continue to treat folks how I want to be treated.
9. Stay in touch, above all, with how [I] feel. If you recall I wrote a blog post about a fortune cookie that I got last year and I am doing my best to follow this advice. I have been talking about things that annoy me more and right away so they can’t sit in my head and fester. But rather than venting to whomever I have been talking to colleagues and friends who can empathize and offer solutions rather than get into a cycle of complaining. Topics this week include how bureaucratic work has been and the current administration.
10. Study Chinese at least four hours a week. Between a slow schedule at work and y passion for studying in general I have exceeded this goal this week (though I did not actually count the hours). I am hoping I don’t fall off the wagon with this like I have done in the past couple of years so I will keep you posted!
11. Be even more intimate with my husband. I was on my period which never makes me feel particularly sexy but all of the kissing and cuddling this week has been fantastic (not that we ever have a problem with this). I am looking forward to this goal most of all.
12. Stick to the budget my husband and I make. My husband and I updated our Excel and made a plan this week so I am hopeful that we will be able to save even more! However, I did feel a little guilty that I bought a couple fun things for myself this weekend but my husband was super supportive and didn’t mind at all so this was more self-inflicted. Besides, it is good to support small businesses so while I am not going to go crazy I definitely want to make my small purchases count in the grand scheme.

Staying Away from the Two Cs

And what are the two Cs you ask? I’m glad you did!

They are: complicit and complacent.

According to Dictionary.com complicit, which is defined as “choosing to be involved in an illegal or questionable act, especially with others,” was chosen as the Word of the Year. This was largely due to the current divisive political climate, which has raised uncomfortable but important questions about civic responsibility and humanity more broadly.

In a similar vein, a word that has also come up a lot recently in my life and discussions with my friends about the culture at our various jobs is complacent, which Dictionary.com defines as “pleased, especially with oneself or one’s merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied.”

I truly hope that I haven’t allowed these words to define what my life has been like, particularly being complicit. But over the last year I have been working on addressing my privilege, which in itself is its own form of complicity and complacency. That is one of the main reasons why I want to chance careers, to be able to tackle issues that I am very passionate about that aren’t getting the support they deserve and also because my own office is, while fighting the good fight, is having an extremely hard time getting over its own bureaucratic complacency. And I know that I need to get out more and fight against what I term extremely complicit and dangerous behaviors in politics, whether that is participating in more protests or, probably more in my comfort zone, interacting more with my representatives and local government officials.

This won’t be easy but it is necessary so I am assigning myself not just a resolution but a new way of life. Here’s my written pledge to stick to it and avoid the two Cs!

This Week in Gratitude: ALL the things! And a Recommendation

Happy 2018 all!! Apologies for being delayed this week but honestly I think that only served to help me find out even more things to be grateful about in this new year. With that, here we go!

1. New year new start! I honestly don’t care if some people think the new year is arbitrary, I love the concept of a fresh start and planning, as much as one can because, you know, life, about what you want to accomplish in the new year. My husband and I worked on our joint couple goals as well as our personal goals and I have to say, a week into working on them, I’m excited.
2. One of my wonderful friends asked me to be one of her bridesmaids this week which was super exciting! It came on a day that I was feeling a bit meh as well so it was absolutely a perfect way to focus on awesome things in the future. I can’t wait to spoil my friend rotten at her showers and celebrate in September!
3. The thing that was bothering me that I referred to above was my in laws subtlety (re. not) asking for us to get pregnant this year. Now we have had numerous conversations about this with them and they seem to understand that we will have children when we want to but it doesn’t seem to stick. Usually this annoys me but I can get over it but the combination of it not even being a week into 2018 and my period (which always makes me paranoid and emotional) just put me into a funk. I reached out to some of my friends to talk through it as well as my self improvement Facebook group and it was supremely helpful. My Facebook group in particular made me feel so humbled by all the support that I received from the women who had been in similar situations. It was so important to feel like I wasn’t alone and these kind and open strangers were in my corner.

I haven’t done this in a while but recently at work I started binging the By the Book podcast. Two women, one more open one skeptical, read a self help book and try to follow the advice therein for two weeks to see if the book is worth recommending. It’s like having a book club with friends (their husbands participate as well and are hilarious) and also learning if self help books would work for you.

 

This Week in Gratitude: Christmas, Gift Cards, and Hopes for the Future

1. I celebrate Christmas but I think that what I felt yesterday could absolutely be applied to any celebration, be they within other religions or just simply fun times. I have always had for the most part fun Christmases but this year in particular I just felt so at peace. I got to see all the family on my mom’s side, including my cousin through FaceTime. We shared laughs, a good meal (which I got to help cook for), and companionable silence. At home with my parents and my husband my mom was less stressed out and let me help her with things more which just made it feel so special since I want her to have a good time too. Although my parents think we spent too much on them, we were able to treat them how they always treat us and give them great presents. But most of all, there was just so much love in the house and it made me really see the true beauty of the holiday season.
2. When Weifang and I switched over to Verizon for cable we got a gift card that we could use on any Verizon products. I went to my local Verizon store today and was not only able to help my parents finish paying off their phones but also take care of our whole joint bill for this month. As an added bonus I got to confirm that my phone is all paid off so that means cheaper bills for me in the future as well. It was wonderful to take this card and pay it forward with my parents who graciously let me be a part of their plan and remove some stuff from their plate as we round out 2017.
3. Over the past week, Weifang and I have been writing down our 2018 goals, getting our budget plan in order, and just looking forward to the future. At work these couple of weeks represent some down time but it has given me the opportunity to really explore what I can and am able to realistically achieve, see how I can help my husband in his journey, and connect with liked minded people and learn from them in the self improvement Facebook group I am in which is connected to the podcast Tiny Leaps, Big Changes. New Years might seem like an arbitrary time to be doing this but I don’t care I am looking forward to all of the triumphs and challenges that 2018 will bring!